This time last year, I was dreaming what it was going to be like to be a mother. (I wrote a blog about it here). I wondered what my life would look like with a tiny human in it and how life-altering it would be. I was extremely nervous but also super excited. I would scroll through my Instagram explore page, clicking on any photo of a baby and reading through other women’s accounts of motherhood. What would my experience of being a mother be like? Would I buckle under pressure? Would I be any good at it? Would I bond with my child? Would I be a nervous nelly mama or a laid back one? As all these questions bounced around in my head, I fashioned an idea of what I wanted it to be like.

I’m here to say that it is so much better than I ever could have imagined!

There have definitely been hard times and I definitely had a rough go of it in the beginning (read about it here), but overall, I am completely smitten with this daughter of mine! The only way I can think to explain it is… she makes my heart sing.

This little lassie is the apple of my eye and brings me so much joy I could burst! I never thought that I would love motherhood so incredibly much. Sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to say that because she isn’t even a year old yet and the “real parenting” is still yet to come, but how could I not love being her mom…it’s her! The funny part is, I never even really wanted to be a mom. I was always just so excited to be a wife and the mom part just didn’t seem that exciting, but boy was I wrong. Nowadays, the simplest things are exciting! Trying new foods and seeing her funny faces in response: exciting! Her standing on her tippy-toes to reach the remote on the couch: exciting! When she blows a raspberry in response to mine: exciting! When she flaps her arms out of pure joy after seeing a dog: exciting! The mundane has become enthralling!

Life sure does look a whole lot different than when it did before her and priorities have certainly changed. Instead of going out to be with friends every night, we have to be back home by 7 for bath time. Instead of using my spare time to work out or clean, I have to use it to get my work done online or just relax because I’m so tired. Instead of talking about life with my husband in bed late at night, we quietly kiss goodnight so we won’t wake up the baby. Instead of just having fun with friends, I crave quality connection time with other mamas. Life does indeed look different, but it is so much richer!

Having my priorities and responsibilities so drastically changed has really been teaching me so much about myself. Putting my daughter’s needs before my own has taught me what exactly my needs are. For example, I know that I need time alone before the Lord to pray, reflect and read His word to feel grounded, and honestly, it’s been really hard to find time for that. The absence of this has shown me how much I NEED it! Without time with Him, I find myself being more selfish, more stressed and less patient. Also, I’ve learned to give myself grace and to be more comfortable in my own skin. Since having Selah, I have not had the time or the means to go to the gym or to put in the effort to eat super healthy. Instead of wallowing in “shoulds”, as in “I should work out” or, “I should eat better”, I’m finding joy in knowing that my body is producing the nutrients my daughter needs and that I sacrificed my body to bring her into the world. It’s ok that my body isn’t perfect! Seeing her beauty, makes me worry less about mine.

Overall, I feel so incredibly blessed to be her mama! She is so great and I love getting to be with her for every step of the way. Life would be so dull if I didn’t get to squeeze her chubby thighs every hour or get to hear every new sound she makes. I feel like the luckiest gal in the world that I get to work from home and raise my baby the way I want.

I hope this post doesn’t come off as boastful or prideful…I’m honestly just so pleasantly surprised with the amount of love and adoration I have for my baby and I just feel so blessed that God allowed me to be her mother. I savor every second I have with her being so little, but I also look forward to seeing who she becomes in the future.

Just a few random thoughts on motherhood in lieu of Mother’s Day.