This weekend I am taking 6 of my 16 year old small group ladies to my home town, Nipomo. My goals for the trip are: 1. Group bonding and trust building within the group and 2. A challenge to leave their childish ways behind and make the choice to step up and be Godly women.
As I prepare for this weekends adventures, I’m reflecting and researching what it means to be a woman (in God’s eyes) as opposed to being a girl.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

So what exactly are these “childish ways” Paul talks about? I believe these ways are different between boys and girls. From my research and reflection I think the top three things that girls need to put behind them to become women are:

1. Selfishness
2.Vanity
3.Jealousy

Something that is so prevalent that I’ve seen not only in my own life but in the lives of our teenage girl students is selfishness. It comes from a, ‘the world revolves around me’ mentality. When girls grow up, we are often raised with the identity of Mommy and Daddy’s little princess; we get what we want, we want to be the center of attention and we want to be admired by all. And such is acceptable when we are young lassies, but there needs to come a point when we choose to leave this childish way behind. The famous Proverbs 31 woman exudes selfLESSness! She is continually looking out for others….and without selfish ambition. She truly CARES about others! When you aren’t consumed with yourself you are able to experience life and relationships to the fullest! VPro 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Because she isn’t worrying about herself she is able to find joy in the days to come. This woman truly understands what it means to consider others better than yourself. And I believe when a girl can truly consider others better than herself, she is well on her way to becoming a woman.

Vanity is also a characteristic of a girl, not a woman. Vanity, by definition means, “excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements.” It’s not far fetched to say that every girl wants to be beautiful, but it’s how you consider yourself beautiful that determines whether you think like a girl or a woman. Girls consider beauty as a physical attribute. I can’t tell you how many times growing up I would look in the mirror and call myself ugly, chubby and boyish! Or how many times I hear my small group ladies complain about how they look or obsess over how good someone else looks! But the Bible tells us beauty, true beauty, is something completely different!
1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Again in Proverbs 31 it says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30). Therefore, true beauty has nothing to do with how you look, but everything to do with who you are. Girls need to stop obsessing with how they look and start acknowledging or working on the beauty of their character.

I think there are few things in the girl world that ruin more relationships quicker than jealousy. Jealousy and envy are the mark of a little girl who wants everything and to be the center of everything. A woman leaves behind this childish way. The Word says in James 3:16, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” And yet again in James 4:2-3, “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions”. This last verse reminds me so much of that scene in the movie, Mean Girls, where they are all attacking each other like wild animals! It’s so true too! Girls go crazy with jealousy and envy and it causes them to do hurtful things. A woman of God does not envy and is not jealous, for she knows the consequences .

These are what I believe to be the childish ways a girl needs to leave behind in order to be a woman.
But if we go back to 1 Cor 13:11, and you look just before this verse, you see,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-10 NIV)

Ultimately, the transformation that must take place for a girl to become a woman, is love.

She must understand what love is. First the love of her Savior and then the love for others.